Chocolates Make Me Happy!

Thursday, February 22, 2007

I want to be an actress

Why did they cancel the Star Search 2007???? I want to take part! I want to be an actress!

boo...

I think I'm a good actress... I act like I'm passionate about the job I was interviewed for today... but am I? I act like I know my stuffs... but do I? hahahaha... I don't know... but the interviewer thinks so and that's why she shortlisted me... I was shocked that I was shortlisted for the next round of interviews... didn't think I performed well in the first round... but oh well... I managed to act my way through... that's why I say I can be an actress... It is just so natural of me... wahaha... or maybe in other words... I am the Great Pretender.... LOL

And on my "What is your goal in life?" printout stuck to my memo board... I've just added some 'goals' graffitti to it...

- earn loadsa $$$
- be the best marketer
- be my own boss
- be a rich tai tai
- kiao kah everyday

HAHAHA... i'm going crazy... hokay dokez... back to my case analysis on starbucks...

Sn0wDoVe flew by @ 10:05 PM

Lost in Present

HELP....

i'm... so lost in present... too many things going on... project meetings... assignments due... s@s research... internship interviewssss... noc application... events work...

ahhh.. i'm gg crazy... how to prioritize... how to manage my time... i want to... just... sit back and think through things again...

where am i heading? what am i doing? why am i doing such things?

how come... so many ppl look forward to a fun, dynamic uni life... when i feel like mine is boring, mundane, uninteresting, stressful...

what happened to me? there's so many things i wanna do... like have a buncha uni friends to hang out with after sch... go catch a movie or sth... attend salsa/yoga/pilates/aerobics/dance class after lessons... learn golf/diving/windsurfing on weekends... pick up a third language like japanese/german/italian/spanish...

ahhhhh... why why why??? why am i only tied down to doing work work work and more work... boo...

anyway... i've decided... as of now... my future plans is to get a humbly decent job... stay with my family... after work on wkdays can go for some classes like the above mentioned... wkends go walk walk around with my friends/sis... do some sports... then start the week all over again... till death do me part... this shall be it... hahaha...

k... back to work... back to losing myself in present... duh...

Sn0wDoVe flew by @ 1:14 AM

Wednesday, February 21, 2007

where are you?

i lost my bracelet... the one with the stars... boohoohoo... wore it for over a year already... and now it's gone... suddenly my wrist feels empty... where did you go? why did you leave me?

... no more starry bracelet...

... no more starry marks on my face when i wake up in the morning...

... sobs...

Sn0wDoVe flew by @ 10:18 PM

Tuesday, February 20, 2007

Happy Lunar New Year!!!

Happy Lunar New Year to one and all!!!
and Happy 500th entry dear blog...

Well... The weekend wasn't too bad... went to my third aunt's place for dinner on CNY eve (sat)... three families in all... then the cousin-gang played citadel and blokus... two games that fukhai brought... pretty fun... oh.. and i made and brought french bread pudding and chicken pasta salad... concluded that the older generations still dun prefer such western kinda food... lol... shall not make such things again for family gatherings... boo...

And yes, i succeeded in staying awake throughout the entire night... it's called shou3 shui4... sth that fk nv heard of.. haha... and sth which jie and i attempt to do so every year... occasionally we fail to stay awake... this year... jie fell asleep halfway at arn 4am... while i continued to watch my dramas all the way till 7.55am... lol.. before i concussed till noon... just in time to wake up and eat my nian2 gao1 (omg, it's not my fave food but somehow i've been craving it since coming bk fr UK)... and had my fair share of traditional longevity noodles aka Xing Hua's Chang2 Shou4 Mian4... Yuppadeedoo... such things are the norm on the first day of lunar new year... and routinely we would visit my paternal grandma's place... then my grand aunt's place... then my maternal grandma's place... great to see all my relatives... some of whom i don't often see during de year... cool...

this is juelei (mei), xuan (jie) and me! at the void deck of my paternal grandma's flat... waiting for pa to join us after he parked the car...

this is ma and me! do we look alike? hehe...

and yeah, i need to apologise for my short temper on CNY day 2's dinner... the first lo hei that i ate... that ma prepared... had prawns inside... was kinda pissed because everyone in the family knows i'm allergic to prawns... and yet... ma had to put prawns in the lo hei... but haiz, i felt really guilty for making a fuss outta it... must be pms... lol.. and a just-outta-bed-effect... but whichever the case, i'm truly apologetic for that... my allergy to prawns shouldn't stop everyone from eating prawns too... hmm.. but i'm still wondering... what are dear prawns doing in a lo hei when its supposed to be raw fish? haha... ma's quite creative too...

oh well.. today's day 3 of CNY already... it's a sad day... was in bed the entire evening because was feeling a little unwell... didn't do work as usual... and pa just sent me back to hall... really appreciate it 'cos i know he's tired and would prefer to sleep in... wanted to go back hall myself but cos i felt a little unwell so bo bian had to make him send me back... tml's the noc interview... wonder how i'll fare... haiz... there's just so much thought processing in my mind now... kinda confused... will just see how things go...

hopefully, this will be a happy 2007 for me... and for everyone else too... wish my family and friends all the best in whatever they do... bless them with good health and fortune... and i hope that it would be a peaceful year for the world too... no extreme hazards... no bloody wars... may global warming slowdown... may the eco system be in balance... may there be no widespread of deadly diseases... may the rich-poor divide be bridged... may singapore and the world prosper...
may i be happy...

Sn0wDoVe flew by @ 11:59 AM

Thursday, February 15, 2007

An exciting Valentines...

Indeed very exciting... my life was virtually at stake... hahaha... met up with janice, norman, jianxin and yikai for dinner at Chinatown's smith street... and yes, norman drove... he drove yikai's manual vios... and it was... EXCITING... life-threatening... considering he drives like once a year only? lol... but yeah... eventually we did reach chinatown safe and sound... just a little mental shock that's all...

well... vday vday vday... not too bad yah... at least i received three roses (all fr different ppl)... lol... sign of friendship appreciation yeah...

and i've thought it through already... i shan't just let small obstacles get in my way or affect my mood... i've got plenty of choices in life waiting for me to make... i will survive... and i will live... i will go on living... and no matter if everyone and everything around me changes... even if my friends do leave me one day... i still have my family... and that very idea of blood is thicker than water... is ever so true... it's just this bond that cannot be broken...

yeah... i'm back to life... welcome myself... yooohooo.

Sn0wDoVe flew by @ 12:31 AM

Wednesday, February 14, 2007

Of Pigs and Troughs

Dear blog... i'm... devastated...

At the trough of my life now...

it's vday tmr... no bf... no happy vday... loadsa homework... loadsa project... loadsa flunked tests... cny this wkend... no cny clothes... no part-time job... no income... face round... arms flabby... thunder thighs... many freckles... very dark eye rings... friends bz... i bz...

bz? yeah... i dun even know why i'm in this bz shid... dear blog... did i make many wrong choices in life??? is it too late to regret? can i not regret then? but if i don't, why am i feeling so upset...

i don't feel like studying uni anymore... i think i'm too stupid for uni... my friends are all elites... it feels very depressing when they are the high-scorers and i'm 'supporting' them from the bottom... but life is so practical and realistic... you no gd grades... u're OUT... say byebye... nobody cares about you... your career office is concerned about the elites only... they don't bother about you if your grades are hopeless like mine... they leave u to fend for yourself... so what do you do?? fend for yourself! but how? hmm...

dear blog... what can i do to bring back my optimism and confidence in life? i'm so drained of it now... sucked dry of optimism... did i use too much of it when i was younger... perhaps i was too optimistic... life ain't that good as it seems now... the only console i have is that i still have a superb family that is ever-so-warm and supportive... but how long more can i continue to seek comfort in them?? i must stop shaming myself and them with such self-deterioration and degradation...

dear blog... i've changed my mind... i wanna be a office cubicle girl... lead a mundane life... i don't ask for much... clerical job would do... salary sufficient to feed me daily... i don't need expensive toys... lemme just live a modest life... low-profile individual... watch my fave tv shows after work... learn a foreign language or salsa class after working hours...

dear blog... what should i do to reduce my desire to win all the time? i think it is this trait that is making me all so upset... because i wanna be the best in everything but it just seems so obvious that i'm none in any... i'm suffering from multiple disappointments... yet... i don't know and can't figure out a strategy to win all the time... everything bad just adds on to everything already bad...

ah... i have no idea what i'm ranting now... i'm just so upset... shall go shower... as always when i'm upset...

Sn0wDoVe flew by @ 12:37 AM

Friday, February 09, 2007

Skipping meals is not the way to go!

Because your stomach will betray you by growling aloud in the middle of a P&G problem-solving test when everyone else is busy answering the qns. omg... how embarrassing...

And doing up your presentation slides till 4am in the morning when your presentation is at 9am... is also not the way to go... but nonetheless, we did an excellent job! haha kinda spoilt market la... shiyu, siao ming and peach all wore blazers loh (paiseh i left mine at home... lol)... and the tutor quite liked our presentation style... yayyy... one group project down... 5 more to go... superb... and let's not forget the individual projects... especially the harvard business reviews... think I've got 6 more individual cases to analyse in all... GEEZ... plus my IA individual project... wah... i'm dying...

Sn0wDoVe flew by @ 11:32 PM

Saturday, February 03, 2007

Fragility of Life

Again... we're confronted with how fragile human lives can be. Received news today that one of my fellow bizaders met in a fatal accident. Haven't known him personally, but i've heard of his name before. Well, in any case, i give my full condolences... may angels continue to bless him...

And just last week as well, a taiwanese artiste also met in a fatal accident. a pretty, young lady... what a waste... but if these are all planned in the name of fate... what else can we, the owners of fragile human lives, do?

Honestly... I wouldn't know what to feel/say/do when my time is up... I'd prolly not have enough time to think of what to feel/say/do (knowing how long i take to think things through) before i suck in my last breath... And the scariest thought was that the day that fellow bizader passed away, the day I was thinking about what's the point in living? Yes, for the 100th time, i'm not suicidal... Just thinking through some philosophies that I could never iron them out nicely....

In my mind, there're lotsa 'Why's... Why do we have to live? Why do we study? Why do we work? Why do people greed? Why do people love? Why do people hate? Why do people want to feel happy? Why why why do people have so many pursuits, when at the end, they lose everything? Why do you want to make the world a better place? Why do you want your future generations to live better? Why do you regret if you hadn't accomplish things you've always wanted to before you die?

Who set these rules? Society? Then why must we listen to the society? Why should we be dictated to cherish our lives? Why are lives sacred? Who said they are? Why did they say that they are? Why can't we dislike living? Why can't we have the free will to end our lives and not be condemned in the eyes of others? Talk about human rights? This is human rights! Shouldn't we have the right to decide if we like living?

Again i stress i'm not suicidal... I just like to question... but i'm a coward i can't deny... i follow social norms without outright challenging them (except on my pathetic blog)... There are just so many questions that we can forever go on asking... WHY?

Haiz... went to watch the show An Inconvenient Truth in bizad with zh n vince just now... I simply like these kinda shows... It's a scary truth, and an inconvenient one like the title suggests...

Global Warming... what have we been doing? This is mass suicidal... Absolutely outrageous... and I'm a criminal myself i must admit... I don't deny i've played a part in adding to the global warming which in turn threaten the lives of billions...

Moving forward, what should I do then?

Sn0wDoVe flew by @ 12:57 AM


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